Before You Judge Me

I hold your foot to read my statement. Before you judge me, y'all should understand that I didn't join the neighborhood patrol just to eat free rice, but I took the job very serious. The arm robbers in our area were acting too frisky on us, so we the young men of the neighborhood decided we needed to join together to protect our homes and family at all cost. None of us had gun. I not even get rubber or flashlight, so I borrow cutlass from my big sister and my uncle who live on the same road give me one bonanza phone to call police but I not get no money on my phone, so no way to call.

On the very same day the something happen, I see the UN police (that big-big red car) with one Liberian policeman inside, they call him Jackson. He say anything, I must call him; but time to call him now, he can't answer. And the fat white policeman who can sit whole week in the car, he not come too. I beep him, beep him. No answer. I send him, "please call me" message. Still he not want call me. But wait now. Let me start from the beginning.

That night 12 o'clock I wake up and go to Mrisses Peabody who can give us our tea, sugar and one cup of rice for the night. Then I go wake up my friend them for the patrol. Myself buy the condensed milk. Joe and Smith wake up straight, but Billy not wake up that day. He say he too tired, and he was acting too lazy so myself get tired and leave him. I was happy self because I was too hungry and the rice was not sufficient to fill all our guts. That's how we manage to be three of us.

Everything started alright. Those short-short men that can patrol on the other side of the road started ringing their bell easy kind of way so we know everything fine on that side. We decided to go check up the hill, the place where Victor them men at, but we not pass far we see some kind of man passing behind one house with something on his head just like he not want nobody to see him. So I blow my whistle and challenge him straight. You know these days that not heart-men time but people can catch you for kidneys so we brave on him.

The man started begging so I ask him, "whatin in your bag?" He not want answer so I was coming flog him good, but he get scared and drop the bag. Joe open the bag, then all of us see the man now steal somebody dog. I was damn vex! But what to do now, the dog already dead. So I slap him and tell him to go quick before I change my mind. The man run away straight. When we finish coming down the hill and sit down by the road to cook our food, one yellow taxi was running on the road bad kind of way so we say let's put up road block. Supposing that armed robbers. No way to stop the car.

We getting ready to cook our rice and dog now, we spy car light coming down the road so Smith get up to see who's that. Before he can stop the car, we see that's one Nigerian UN pick-up, and the way it was running, the thing run straight into the roadblock. All the block them buss! Come see the Nigerian soldiers jumping from the pick-up, so so of them with their AK-47. We just standing looking at them. But soon the chief officer spy us he start yelling, "They get machete! They get machete!"

I look at him for long time and suck my teeth before I answer him, "Move from here man. That thing you calling machete that my sister cutlass o."

He say, "that's a weapon of war."

I say, "whattin?"

He say, "do you know that they used that thing in Biafra? You're an armed robber."

I look at him for long time. I not want talk the thing what I thinking: they too stupid, that's the reason Charles Taylor's pekin them didn't play to kill them in the war. I was vex like hell now but what to does?

I tell him say, "the armed robbers, y'all can't arrest them, y'all self know that some of the police - they the armed robbers, then that the neighborhood patrol who protecting the people y'all want arrest?"

Then he ask me, "what is in the bag?"

I say, "that something we seize from one rogue."

One of the soldier open the bag to see inside. Soon he spy the dog he acting just like he get vex, then all of them started pointing their gun them to arrest us. They started talking their Yoruba-Ibo dialect to steal our dog. That how they bring us to jail. Don't mind those people now finish eating our dog, long time.

We come to jail now the people say the Old Ma vex. The people complain too much so she coming execute all the armed robbers they capture.

Eh my people! If that thing true, that for dog business y'all coming execute me?